Eyes of blue
Surrounded by seas of gray
Hiding in a mist of solitude
Thick walls of steel
Letting no one in
His public facade masking his private despair
Pushing people away
Despising most
A restless soul wandering
Searching for happiness
Chasing a fantasy
Wanting it for reality
Accepting what is
Yet holding on to what could be
Then he sees her
She shines light in his dark world
Unleashes a fire that tears through him
Igniting his soul into a burning flame
He craves to hear the silkiness in her voice
He yearns to taste her lips
He whispers her name in his dreams
Separated by a sea of tormented reality
Her light shines from afar
He calls out to her
Yet she is just beyond his reach
She begins to heal him from a distance
His soul becoming restless no more
The warmth of her laughter
Warms him from within
Until he can hold her in his arms
Touch her with his lips
He will touch her with his words
Her heart will begin to sing
Every night they’ll come together
And dance in each other’s dreams.

Copyright ©2014 –ND White

Pointing your finger
Calling me names
Never seeing your faults
On me you throw all the blame.

You can get angry
You can get mad
But when I open my mouth
It’s my fault everything‘s gone bad.

You say I live in the past
And I don’t even try
When I tell you that’s not true
You tell me I lie.

The pain that I feel
I’m dying inside
I want it all to go away
I just want to hide.

The years we had together
I thought it would never end
Now we’re two different people
I can’t even call you my friend.

Your anger and judgment
Your mind always closed
I can’t take anymore
I feel raw and exposed.

I’m sorry you’re so bitter
Why are you so mean?
I’m sorry I can’t fix this
I wish all of this could have been seen

You say no one will ever love me
Or be able to put up with me
Behind my glaring stare
There is so much hurt I won’t let you see.

I hope that one day you’re wrong
That there truly is someone out there for me
I’ll be happy, I’ll be safe, and I’ll be strong
Just you wait and see.

Copyright ©2014 –ND White

You pulled me in, captured my heart.
You gave hope and brought the sun to light up my world.
You made so many promises.
The way you loved me.
The way you made love to me.
Your words would fill my soul and spread through my veins, lighting every fiber of my being ablaze.
I trusted you.
I believed you.
I bared my naked soul to you.
I should have known better.
You were perfect for me.
You said I was perfect for you.
You promised you would never hurt me.
Yet here I am, fallen and shattered.
Bleeding from the open wounds from which your stinging words flow.
I cry out until my screams turn into a deafening silence.
Begging for the pain to stop.
Wishing my heart ache would turn to anger.
Anger that would once again breathe life into me and pick me up off this floor.
A fire raging on that builds me up from the scattered ashes that I have become.
Burning away the pain, extinguishing the memories.
Lifting me from this hell that you once saved me from, yet cast me back into.
Taking from me all the love I had left inside.
Never trusting again.
Never being so vulnerable.
Protecting my heart from the cruelty of this world.
Knowing one day you’ll see what you had.
Someone who would have given you the world.
Someone whose love knows no bounds.
Someone that you even once believed you could never live without.
My heart may be fragile,
But I will keep it safe from now on.
Surrounded by fire and ice.
Forever fighting to extinguish the cold that will now replace the love you took from me.

Copyright ©2014 –ND White

To show you that I love you
To show you that I care
To show you how much you’re appreciated
For always being there.
Never do you judge
Or ever put me down
When I’m overcome with sadness
You wipe away my frown.
When life is overwhelming
When I start to cry
You’re there to take my hand
Holding onto me so tight.
Everything you do
Is never for your gain
You love me with your whole being
You help take away my pain.
From you I pull my strength
As you catch me when I fall
You bring me back from darkness
When I think I’ve lost it all.
I can’t imagine forever without you
You’re everything I need
You’re my sun, the moon, and the stars
You’re the air I need to breathe.
You’ll never understand
Just how much you mean to me
Please let me show you how much I love you
Forever ~ Unconditionally.

Copyright ©2014 –ND White

My soul bleeds as I wait for you
Constantly torn in a state of euphoric happiness and the torment of a broken heart
Wearing my heart on my sleeve when I know I should be protecting it
Hoping one day you’ll take it from me and shelter it from the storm that I am walking through
The storm that you have pulled me into
Captivating me, holding me hostage yet, I surrender to you
Bowing my head as my tears flow
They run down my cheeks and pool under my feet
I look at my broken reflection
What is happening to this person staring back at me
Who is she becoming
Her eyes reflect the pain and love that she has dwelling deep inside
Her lips have lost their smile as they yearn to feel yours connect with them
In the middle of this storm she is fighting for him
She is fighting for herself
She is fighting for a love that can never be promised
A love that she questions if it even exists
I close my eyes so that I cannot see the beautifully broken girl looking back at me
If only I could not feel
Not want
Not love
Just not be…

Copyright ©2014 –ND White

Beautifully entwined
In the elegance that surrounds her
Her breath heats the drops of dew
As they trickle down the stem of the flower that is held by her fingertips
Light glistens in her eyes
Pearl and ivory shades of silk dance across her skin
Her beautiful mind wanders
Lost in her thoughts of innocence and purity
Her soul yearns for an escape
As it is drawn to the soft glow of the heavens that is just beyond her reach

Copyright ©2014 –ND White

I can’t think
I can’t breathe
I can’t see
I can’t hate
I can’t love
I can’t trust
I can’t feel
I can’t find
I can’t escape
I can’t want
I can’t cry
I can’t run
I can’t smile
I can’t hide
I can’t jump
I can’t stay
I’m stuck being lost
I can’t find my way

Copyright ©2014 –ND White

Walking through the vast darkness
Wanting you by my side
The cold air surrounds me
My feet are bare and exposed
Cut from the shards of pain that has fallen around me
My blood runs and drips beneath me
I reach out hoping to find something to grab onto
Something that I can feel
Something that will guide me
All I touch is the emptiness that fills the air
I’m tired
I’m losing this battle
I can’t find my way out of this sea of darkness
I’m hoping to find the light
Before the blood that spills from me
Leads the demons of the dark to find me
And trap me here
Forever ~

Copyright ©2014 –ND White

I haven’t been out here in a while, and maybe this entry is more like a journal entry than your typical blog entry….but I need to let it out….somehow.

My heart is broken and my head is spinning in confusion. A dream becomes reality, and then your reality shatters all around you. The pain I am feeling right now is not like pain I can honestly say I have ever felt before. And I know that this is only just the beginning of it….

I can’t cry another tear, yet they keep making their escape in the most inconvenient times. I’m trying to keep myself busy. Keep my mind occupied. It’s no use though. The only way I can function is to bury this all deep down and flip that magic little switch that takes me from all feeling to total numbness. Right now, there is no in between.

I tried to work on my book, but my muse is gone….for now. It takes heart and soul for me to write, both of which feel like they have died a thousand deaths over again today. I have nothing left to give right now.

I have always been one who kept my true feelings buried deep. I let very few people in. I shut most everyone out. Even those that claim to know me…they really don’t. They only see what I want them to see. It’s easier that way….

Finally my wall breaks down, little by little. I’m able to really be me. To feel again. To feel alive. To share my hopes, my dreams, my fears, my secrets. To love. Yes….to love…

But now, the pain I feel is almost unbearable. I’m completely shutting down. I don’t know what else to do. This hurts too much. I’m just trying to survive. I’ll slowly start putting the bricks back into place, one by one, brick by brick….

I never want to feel this again. I never want to love again. All the promises…all for nothing…

I know you didn’t mean to
I know you really care
But the pain and heartache I am now feeling
None of this is fair.
You became my rock
When I needed you, you were there
Now you’re slipping through my fingers
I am filling with despair.
Don’t tell me that you love me
Don’t give me more false hope
Don’t make promises you can’t keep
I can no longer cope.
Please stop breaking my heart
Please don’t do this to me
Do what you have to do
But please listen to my plea…

Copyright ©2014 –ND White