My hand is shaking as I swipe the screen of my phone. I don’t recognize my own voice when I say hello. It’s a quivering a whisper.

“Raven…” Hearing Grant’s voice, saying my name like he does, rocks me to the core. My legs almost give out from under me. I have to sit down. I practically stumble right into the end of my bed before catching myself with my free hand. “Raven, are you there?” he asks.

I don’t know, am I? “Yes, I’m here” I stutter as I try to make myself comfortable on my bed. I hear him breathing on the other end, unsure of what to say next, hoping he takes the initiative to start this conversation.

“Thank you for picking up,” he finally says.

“Did I really have choice?” I bite back. Jeesh, where did that come? I hear him take in a deep breath and then slowly exhale.

“Actually, you did Sweetheart. I told you so in the note I left for you.”

Sweetheart…wait, what a condescending Ass! You’re mad Raven. Stay mad! “According to your note Grant, no matter which choice I made, it was still going to result in me having this conversation with you.”

“Yes, you are correct. Although, I admit that I was hoping you would have chosen to not take my call so that I would have been forced to come back to your apartment and see you.” I hear him smirking and something about this statement makes my blood boil.

“Why in the hell would I want to see you after what you did to me!” I snap. Don’t cry Raven. Stay mad.

“That’s fair. I deserve that.” His tone has softened, but it’s not softening me. I feel my anger igniting.

“That’s not all you deserve,” I coldly respond. My eyes are starting to burn from fighting off the tears that are threatening to escape. My whole body is beginning to shake and I slowly rock back and forth on my bed to try and comfort myself and keep myself together. I’m being flooded with emotions that are fighting each other for control. “What do you want Grant?” That is exactly what I want to know right now.

“I wanted to talk to you.” He pauses but I say nothing. “I have been worried about you and I needed to make sure that you were okay.”

“Okay?” I sarcastically repeat. “You wanted to make sure that I’m okay?” My voice is rising along with my temper.

“Yes, like I said, I’ve been worried about you,” he cautiously answers.

And that right there makes something inside me break. “You’ve been worried? If you were so worried, why has it taken you three fucking weeks to call me!” He starts to say something but I cut him off. “You weren’t so worried about me the day you up and disappeared without so much as giving me a fucking good-bye!” I’m screaming. Bile is rising in my throat and I’m doing all I can to choke it back down.

“Raven, please. Calm down, and hear me out.”

“Calm down?” Oh hell no… “How in the hell do you expect me to calm down after what you did! You have no idea what this did to me! What I’ve been through!” Hot tears are now streaming down my cheeks. I don’t even remember getting up off the bed, but now I find myself pacing my bedroom floor.

“Raven…I…”

“Don’t you dare! Don’t you fucking dare tell me how sorry you are right now.” I am enraged.

“Sweetheart, please…”

“And don’t fucking call me Sweetheart!” I whip around and find Kat standing in the doorway of my bedroom. I didn’t even notice her coming in…

Copyright ©2015 –ND White

I flip through all 300 hundred channels and find nothing on at all that I care to watch, so I start over again in hopes that something has magically changed on the guide in the past two minutes; still nothing. What a waste, I determine. “And I’m so comfortable too,” I say out loud to myself as I get up off the sofa to search for my Kindle. Guess I’ll do some reading instead. I lead such an exciting life.

Something captures my attention out of the corner of my eye as I’m walking through the living room. There’s a white envelope on the floor, just in front of the door. I’m surprised by this because it would have taken some work to slide that under the door; and how did I miss that when it was happening? Maybe someone shoved it under there when the music was up and I just didn’t hear it. Hmmm, how long has that been there?

I slowly tiptoe over the envelope and carefully pick it up, like it’s going to bite. I turn it over and see ‘Raven’ handwritten in black marker across the front of it. What in the hell is this? I start to develop a strong feeling of dread as I head towards the kitchen cabinet to dig in the drawer for the letter opener.

Carefully I slice open the top of the envelope and pull out a letter that has been typewritten. I quickly skip to the end to see who it’s from before reading it. No Fucking Way…

Copyright ©2015 –ND White

As he’s leaving my bedroom, I flop my head back down on my pillow and sigh. I immediately notice that Asher’s cologne is intertwined within my bed sheets and the pillow he was laying on. I take in a slow deep breath and exhale slowly. Damn that smells soooo good. I won’t be washing these for a while. Someone slap me quick! Why am I even having thoughts like this? What is wrong with me! I am not interested in Asher Hammond. I am in love with Grant Alexander.

That thought instantly causes pain to rip through my heart as I think about Grant and how his leaving has affected me. He doesn’t deserve my love. Obviously I don’t mean a damn thing to him, or he’d still be here. I huff, out loud as I feel tears pooling in my eyes. And I’m so damn sick of wasting my tears on him too.

Not wanting to gravel in self pity any longer, I get up out of bed and head into the bathroom for a nice warm shower. Hopefully that will help clear my head and lighten my heart. I feel my stomach starting to growl and I am suddenly aware of just how hungry I really am. I am starving! Better make this a quick shower. Besides, I wouldn’t want to keep Asher waiting. The faster I shower, the faster Asher will be back in here with breakfast in my bed.

Raven! I shake my head in reaction to my own inappropriate thoughts as I step into the shower and let the warm water wash over me.

Copyright ©2015 –ND White

“Eeewww!” Kat Screeches as she cups her hands over her mouth trying to stifle her sarcastic and over exaggerated outburst.

“I know, I know…” I roll my eyes and huff. “It was so embarrassing.” I cup my face in my hands. “He’ll never want to try to kiss me ever again.” Although, that may not be a bad thing at this point.

“Oh hunnie, he will too.” Kat is trying not to laugh. There is nothing funny about this. “It may be a while, but he will.” And now she’s laughing.

I glare at her. “Maybe it’s good it didn’t happen. It’s too soon anyway.”

“Too soon!” Kat exclaims. “You need this to happen Raven. You have got to move past this. Grant’s gone, he’s not coming back. And even if he did, he’s a Prick and doesn’t deserve you.”

I wince at her painful yet truthful statement. Deep down inside, I know she’s right. Grant’s gone and even if he did come back, there is no way I could forgive him for what he did. As much as it hurts, that was a dick thing to do and I deserve better than him. Although, after I got sick earlier, right as Asher was leaning in for a kiss, I’m thinking that he isn’t going to be my better choice. God I can’t believe I threw up in Asher’s pumpkin spice latte cup. It was the only thing within reach and there was no way I was going to make it to the bathroom. At least the cup was a large size, and almost empty. “Well, I don’t think anything is going to happen with Asher now. Not after that,” I pout.

“You couldn’t help it! Don’t worry so much about it. I’m sure he understands. He even asked me if I was sure I didn’t need him to stick around any longer when I got here. That alone tells me he was affected by what happened. I sent him packing for your sake though. I could tell that you were mortified.”

“I still am. And thank you.” I’m not sure if I’m relieved or dismayed that he wanted to stick around longer. He rushed to get me out of that coffee shop and get us both back to the apartment, probably in hopes that I wouldn’t puke all over the inside of his Lexus. Once we got back here, I reclused to my bedroom, lay down in bed and ended up falling asleep. Kat was here and Asher wasn’t when I woke up.

Copyright ©2015 –ND White

My eyes shoot open as my screams escape me. It’s dark, I can’t see. I am gasping for air. My bedroom door flies open.

“God, Raven!” I hear someone say as they are rushing towards me in the dark. I feel a set of strong arms wrap around me. I scream louder. I am kicking and trying to break free.

“Raven, stop, I’ve got you….shhh, I’m here, I’ve got you.” It’s Asher. Oh my God, what’s he doing here? “Raven, please….relax….” His voice is calm and soothing. I stop kicking. I stop struggling. My tears start flowing. I am sobbing uncontrollably; shaking from head to toe. I feel Asher hold me even tighter. He starts stroking my hair and gently rocking me back and forth as I nestle my face into his chest and weep.

*****
I inhale a different, yet familiar scent. Mmmm, something smells good. As I am slowly waking from a deep slumber I realize that although I’m snuggled up in my own bed, I am not in here alone. My eyes flutter open and I find that I am tucked safely into the arms of someone. What the hell? I tilt my head back and my breath catches as my eyes come into focus and I see that the person who is holding onto me so tightly is Asher.

I feel myself on the verge of panic as I’m trying to remember what happened and how he got into my bed. Just relax Raven, and think. I slowly and quietly take in a long slow deep breath, hold it for a little bit, and then exhale. I’m doing my best to not disturb Asher as I try to remember why he’s here with me in his arms. The smell of his cologne is actually helping to relax me. He does smell good.

Copyright ©2015 –ND White

It’s now May and we are well on our way into summer. Most of you are probably jumping with joy, I however, am not *smirking*. I’m a fall and winter loving person. But at least this summer I’ll have something to celebrate; which is the release of Raven’s Undoing.

I announced a couple of weeks ago that I finished writing the book. I then took some time off from it. There has been unforeseen circumstances that arose in my personal life that has hindered me from putting the time and focus into my writing. I have also been neglecting my blog, twitter, my Facebook author page, interacting with my readers, and the promotion of Raven’s Innocence. For that, I am giving everyone my sincerest apology. Life happens and things get in the way; it’s just the way that it is. But hopefully, going forward, things are going to start getting better and my attention and focus is going to shift to my writing once again. God knows I have missed it and I have missed interacting with all of you.

I’m going to start self-editing Raven’s Undoing and make sure it is exactly how I want it before sending it to my editor for her to pick apart. Hopefully this time, I won’t have as much ‘Yellow’ as the last time!

Keep an eye out for unedited excerpts and new teasers too! (I totally forgot that I need to start working on those as well.) And as always, thank you everyone for your understanding, and also your continued support. (((HUGS)))

Much Love,
Xx
Nicky