When you looked at her did you see the younger me
The flirty smile on her lips
The way she smirked while she shook her hips
Pretty little lies from her poisoned mouth
Grabbed your heart, you fell for that pout
You told me loved me
But you were playing with her
You would never get caught 
This you were sure
So many tears I cried 
Begging and asking you why
Your excuses nothing but lies
If I could go back to years long ago
When you dropped to your knee and promised 
You would forever love me
If I knew what you truly were capable of
The heartbreak you would cause
The gaslighting 
The fighting 
The screaming and crying 
If only I had a crystal ball
If I could have seen it all
I would have turned around and walked out that door
I wouldn’t be where I’m at now
Wondering what did you see 
In that 26 year old slut and 43 beautiful me.

© Nicky D ’23

Was it her long red hair
Or maybe her big blue eyes
Her flirtatious little smile 
A mouth full of lies

The way she looked at you
Indulging your little games
“Oh F*** Me J.P.”
Maybe it’s the way she said your name

She built up your ego
Made you feel good
No f***s given that you were married 
Your misery she understood 

Watching her ass
Hips full swing when she walked by
The scent of perfume 
Everything about her caught your eye

For months this went on
A conscious you seemed to lack
A family at home
You betrayed behind their backs

Until the day came
You relaxed and slipped up
Your affair was discovered 
With that conniving little slut

Ignorant of you to think 
That you were the only one
The game that slut was playing
You were just one of many in her twisted fun

When you looked at me
Was it her face that you saw
Or when you looked at her 
Did you think of me at all

I hope she was worth it
Everything you wanted me to be
But I can never be a home wrecking slut
I’ll never be your f***ing whore St******e

© Nicky D ’23

Do you feel its heartbeat
Is it the same as mine
When you hold it
Do you like the feel of its spine 

The stories it tells
All the information it holds
When you put it down
Do you feel lonely and cold

Does it stare back at you
Longing across its face
I wish I could be seen like that
So I stay here, just in case

A deep attraction 
I can’t compete with that
It clearly has more to offer 
But where is its soul at

I’ll sit here in silence
Waiting for my turn 
Watching you watching it
Wishing your eyes would burn

If I need to say something 
I best type it in
The only way you’ll really hear me
Is if I hit Send

Precious time being wasted 
We’ll never get that back
But don’t worry about me
You keep your focus on that 

I shouldn’t have to ask 
You should want to give 
I’m supposed to be your partner 
Yet a lonely life I live

By the time you notice that I’m gone
It’ll be too late to try and plea
As long as you kept my picture on your phone 
At least there you will finally see me

© Nicky D ’23

Her soul so deep
It has no bounds
Trapped in the silence
Of deafening sounds.
Fear she will conquer
Pain she will know no more
The tears she has cried
Leaving her body broken and sore.
Divinity above her
A door opens wide
Yet she cowers in the darkness
Afraid of what’s inside.
Listen my child
The voice she hears
Lift up your chin and dry those tears.
Your pain that you suffer
It’s not yours to bear
You’re stronger than this
Let go of your fear.
Take back your power
Stand your ground
The strength inside
You have finally found.
She slowly stood
Fire ignited deep inside
No more tears
No more pain
From nothing else she will hide.
The earth began to shake
Beneath her feet as she moved
Eyes fixated on the door
All her obstacles removed.
Her soul began to sing
To her past she said goodbye
The phoenix spread her wings
Then she took to the sky.

© Nicky D ’23

She hides behind those sullen eyes
Fears of depths unknown
Quiet whispers inside her mind
Chaos and destruction
Love entwined
Breaking free
Light shines through
Poison bleeds
Words sting
Whispers of truth and lies
Deception entwined
Strength from within
She forces through
Binding restraints
Brought to her knees
One last pull
Up she shall rise
With pieces of what was
Now left behind
So much to hide
Secrets Entwined

© Nicky D ’19

Betrayal is such an ugly thing
The lies, deceit a biteful sting
Trusting someone to have your back
To your face they smile
But their heart is black
Do they know the hurt they’ve caused
Or does their facade deserve an applause
For to your face a friend they pose
While from their lips poison flows
As it hits you, tears escape your eyes
When you finally see the truth hidden in their lies
Watching them crumble your heart still aches
How could you be so naive and make this mistake
Who else have they fooled
Their lies they’ll only deny
Trust broken
A friend lost
Such a painful goodbye…

© Nicky D ’19

Loving you is not what I want.
With a broken heart
my memories you will haunt.

Laughter and kisses
Promises made
Heartache and tears
Now broken and betrayed.

Why won’t the pain stop
I need it all to end
Pain ripping through me
Destroying me from within.

I’ll never understand why
Or what I did to make it stop
To lose the love you had for me
To my knees my whole world dropped.

Lying on the ground
Torn, twisted and lost
I had no idea
What losing you would cost.

Me still loving you
Or you not loving me
Who’s the bigger fool in this
I think I’m starting to see.

Trying to hold on
But slowly slipping away
Coming to an end
For soon it will be my last day.

My eyes will gently close
My breathing will start to slow
Succumbing to the pain
A hurt that I hope you never know.

Then with a heavy heart
And a painful goodbye
I’ll cry my last tear
Never understanding why.

(C) Nicky D ’19

His silence pains her,
as she weeps.
Her scars she keeps hidden,
buried so deep.

The torture she endures,
breaking her apart from within.
Tears stain her cheeks,
what she needs now is him.

Cold and withdrawn,
no mercy does he show.
The battle that she’s losing,
he will never truly know.

When she needs him most,
his back on her he turns.
Like acid to a flame,
the pain cuts and then it burns.

This tragedy is slowly killing her,
but he’s too selfish to give a damn.
So much she needs to say to him,
so much he’ll never come to understand.

As the light slowly darkens
behind her lifeless eyes.
She wonders if he’ll cry for her
when she finally dies ~

(C) N.D. White 2018

What did it feel like as you slept with him?
Did you think about his wife, his children, the sin?

The family whose hearts you’ll shatter.
The devastation you’ll cause, did any of that even matter?

Did the past you had with him make you feel justified?
The lying and cheating, does it make you feel alive?

Her heart broken and shattered because you took it all.
Nothing could be done as everyone watched her fall.

Your poisonous smile, evil behind those eyes.
Pretending you care and you’re sorry, nothing but venomous lies.

A life taken, suddenly she was gone.
Don’t pretend you’re f***ing sorry, isn’t it what you wanted all along?

Standing in the shadows, a smile twisted across your lips.
You watch with satisfaction while others are coming to grips.

Now you can have what you came for. She is out of the way.
It turned out better than you had hoped for, forever silenced, nothing more anyone can say.

Pushing your way in, pretending to be a saint.
Oblivious to what others see, looking at you with hate.

Hope you are content in this glass castle that you built.
Void of empathy for those you hurt, no sorrow or no guilt.

Dancing around in your twisted reality, others see right through.
Whispers behind your back, feeling undeserved pity for you.

You see, with each lie you spill from your lips, thinking you fooled us all.
Just like tiny cracks forming in delicate glass, you’re destined to crumble and fall.

~ (c) N.D. White 2017