Entwined ~

She hides behind those sullen eyes
Fears of depths unknown
Quiet whispers inside her mind
Chaos and destruction
Love entwined
Breaking free
Light shines through
Poison bleeds
Words sting
Whispers of truth and lies
Deception entwined
Strength from within
She forces through
Binding restraints
Brought to her knees
One last pull
Up she shall rise
With pieces of what was
Now left behind
So much to hide
Secrets Entwined

© Nicky D ’19


Betrayal is such an ugly thing
The lies, deceit a biteful sting
Trusting someone to have your back
To your face they smile
But their heart is black
Do they know the hurt they’ve caused
Or does their facade deserve an applause
For to your face a friend they pose
While from their lips poison flows
As it hits you, tears escape your eyes
When you finally see the truth hidden in their lies
Watching them crumble your heart still aches
How could you be so naive and make this mistake
Who else have they fooled
Their lies they’ll only deny
Trust broken
A friend lost
Such a painful goodbye…

© Nicky D ’19

Never Understanding ~

Loving you is not what I want.
With a broken heart
my memories you will haunt.

Laughter and kisses
Promises made
Heartache and tears
Now broken and betrayed.

Why won’t the pain stop
I need it all to end
Pain ripping through me
Destroying me from within.

I’ll never understand why
Or what I did to make it stop
To lose the love you had for me
To my knees my whole world dropped.

Lying on the ground
Torn, twisted and lost
I had no idea
What losing you would cost.

Me still loving you
Or you not loving me
Who’s the bigger fool in this
I think I’m starting to see.

Trying to hold on
But slowly slipping away
Coming to an end
For soon it will be my last day.

My eyes will gently close
My breathing will start to slow
Succumbing to the pain
A hurt that I hope you never know.

Then with a heavy heart
And a painful goodbye
I’ll cry my last tear
Never understanding why.

(C) Nicky D ’19


His silence pains her,
as she weeps.
Her scars she keeps hidden,
buried so deep.

The torture she endures,
breaking her apart from within.
Tears stain her cheeks,
what she needs now is him.

Cold and withdrawn,
no mercy does he show.
The battle that she’s losing,
he will never truly know.

When she needs him most,
his back on her he turns.
Like acid to a flame,
the pain cuts and then it burns.

This tragedy is slowly killing her,
but he’s too selfish to give a damn.
So much she needs to say to him,
so much he’ll never come to understand.

As the light slowly darkens
behind her lifeless eyes.
She wonders if he’ll cry for her
when she finally dies ~

(C) N.D. White 2018

Your Glass Castle ~

What did it feel like as you slept with him?
Did you think about his wife, his children, the sin?

The family whose hearts you’ll shatter.
The devastation you’ll cause, did any of that even matter?

Did the past you had with him make you feel justified?
The lying and cheating, does it make you feel alive?

Her heart broken and shattered because you took it all.
Nothing could be done as everyone watched her fall.

Your poisonous smile, evil behind those eyes.
Pretending you care and you’re sorry, nothing but venomous lies.

A life taken, suddenly she was gone.
Don’t pretend you’re f***ing sorry, isn’t it what you wanted all along?

Standing in the shadows, a smile twisted across your lips.
You watch with satisfaction while others are coming to grips.

Now you can have what you came for. She is out of the way.
It turned out better than you had hoped for, forever silenced, nothing more anyone can say.

Pushing your way in, pretending to be a saint.
Oblivious to what others see, looking at you with hate.

Hope you are content in this glass castle that you built.
Void of empathy for those you hurt, no sorrow or no guilt.

Dancing around in your twisted reality, others see right through.
Whispers behind your back, feeling undeserved pity for you.

You see, with each lie you spill from your lips, thinking you fooled us all.
Just like tiny cracks forming in delicate glass, you’re destined to crumble and fall.

~ (c) N.D. White 2017

Raven’s Innocence is FREE – Memorial Weekend Only.

Book 1 of this twisted duet (kindle version). Not all love stories have a fairy tale ending. And some that do, come with a price.
Raven’s Innocence

Raven Pierce vowed to escape the hot and humid climate of Missouri and never look back. After completing her graduate program, she drags her sun-loving, winter-hating best friend to start a new life in Minnesota with its cold crisp air and blankets of snow. Raven’s main focus is her new career and truly establishing her own identity. The last thing she intends to do as she is building a new life is to fall in love. As her luck would have it, one evening a minor accident sends Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Handsome to her rescue. What starts out as the perfect relationship begins to turn challenging when tragedy strikes and pulls her grief-stricken boyfriend into a dark and unpredictable frame of mind. As a psychologist, it is Raven’s job to help her patients navigate through their own emotional journeys and she’s very good at it. However, when it comes to her own life, her feelings for this new man combined with the unforeseen affliction leave her feeling frustrated and emotionally exhausted. Raven finds herself fighting for love in an unfamiliar, confusing, and sometimes dark terrain

Destruction ~


It wasn’t what her soul wanted
Out of nowhere the universe collided

Shards of hope breaking through the glass
Splitting her open
Tearing off her mask

Twisted threads of her blood did spill
Seeping through against her will

Poison finding its final escape
From the depth of her being
She finally did break

Slowly off the ground she rose
Ice in her eyes
Fire between her toes

Dancing around sanity’s edge
Threads of vengeance
Binding her to this ledge

Her breath hisses through the air
The smell of sulfur and lilies
Stain her hair

Feelings of hope
Feelings of rage
Exhausted from the struggle
Of being freed from this cage

Into the distance
Her icy stare
Connects with the demon
That has trapped her there

For no mercy shall she show
For because of him
Her blood runs cold

She opens her mouth
A snarl crosses her face
Deafness echoes around them
Then her siren scream escapes

You did this to me
Poisoned my veins with hate
Moral compass destroyed
Your destruction awaits ~

Copyright ©2017 – ND White

Waiting ~

What is this?
I don’t understand
The pain in my heart
It grows with each passing day
The silence screams louder
Threatening to break me wide open
Ignoring it won’t make it go away
Embracing it won’t fix it
My head is spinning
My heart is breaking
My soul is wavering
My senses are heightened
There is no way out
Take my hand
Show me the way
Love me
Support me
Comfort me
Embrace me
None too much to ask
Yet impossible for you
So I fight this battle alone
Knowing one day I’ll stop
I’ve already put down my weapons
Shoulders hung in defeat
Waiting for the earth to shatter
And just take me with it.

Copyright ©2016 –ND White

Bitter Goodbye …

What do you say when someone dies that you used to idolize when you were younger? It’s been 13 years since we last spoke, and those last words were not exactly sentimental or worth repeating right now. I knew her death was coming. I had been dreaming about it for months. I wondered if those dreams were God’s way of telling me I that I needed to make peace with her, for what she did. Or maybe it was to make peace with myself. I’m not quite sure.

Finding out that she had passed really didn’t shake me up like I thought it would. Is that bad? Not sure what I expected really. Maybe to cry a little bit. Maybe to feel some guilt for writing her out of my life, shutting the door, locking it up, and permanently losing that key. Nope, nothing. I don’t feel anything. Am I not human? Or am I so angry and bitter, that I can’t get past the hell that she put the family through?

When I was little kid, I idolized her. So did my cousins. We thought she was perfect. She was the best woman we knew. She took care of us, and gave us everything we wanted. She could do no wrong. Ha! Boy was we wrong. We had no idea the mean and nasty demons that lived within her. We were oblivious to the things she had done to our parents and to others. We didn’t know. We were clueless. We loved her.

But then we grew up, and could see it for ourselves. The stories our parents told, that we once thought were lies, were a hard naked truth. Eventually one’s true colors really shine through. It may take a long time to see it, but eventually you will. And we did.

How can I forgive her for what she did to my mom? How can I forgive her for the way she treated her? This woman was truly one of the meanest, most narcissistic, unsympathetic people I have ever known. The lies, the horrible things she did to my mom throughout her life. The tears I watched my own mother shed because of this woman. My mom didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve any of it. How horrible it must have been for her to have a mother like that. It breaks my heart thinking about it now. Then when my mom passed away, this woman wouldn’t even go to her own daughter’s funeral, or her son’s, or her mothers. And her lame excuses…puke me, please. I can’t even….

Am I going to go and pay my last respects? I have no respects to pay. I have nothing to give. I have anger and hate built up inside me, that I kept buried deep, and it has finally manifested itself into this rage that is threatening to rip right through me. I can’t go to her funeral. I can’t go for the same reasons I couldn’t speak to her ever again right after my own mother passed away.

I know that these feelings towards her are vile and can poison a person’s soul. And I’m sure some who are reading this are probably gasping… “How can she write something so horrible about the deceased?” “She should be ashamed of herself.” Save it, because I’m not. And I don’t give a damn about what you think either. That woman didn’t give a damn when she emotionally abused my mother and her brother. When she toyed with other people’s feelings and lives. Do you think she gave one solid Fuck? Nope, none. I’d take that to the bank.

Last I knew, she spent most of her remaining time alone. She lost her daughter, her son, her mother. She pushed away her grandkids. But you know what they say, what goes around comes around…

I wonder if my mom and her brother met her at the gates of Heaven. Then again, after the way she treated them, is she even in Heaven? But when it comes to that, I am going to try and not judge because I don’t know what her relationship with God was like in her final days. Maybe she made peace with God and was forgiven for all the hell she unleashed on the family. Or maybe she wasn’t. She would have to acknowledge she even did anything wrong and be truly sorry for it. That would be a God given miracle, if I ever did see one…

So what was the point in this? I’m not really sure. Maybe I just needed to let it all out. Maybe I just needed a way to vent my anger towards her, after everything she did. I do know one good thing that I learned from her, and that was how to NEVER to treat my own children. I know I sound cold and heartless, but I can’t help how I feel. May God have mercy on her soul. Maybe he already has. I hope so, for her sake.

When I was asked last night how I felt and if I was going to her funeral, my response was this: When my mother passed away, she died with her. It’s just taken 13 years to bury her.