To feel again

The warmth in your soul
The kindness in your words
The love within you
It wraps around me
It runs through me
Flowing into every fiber of my senses
Freeing me from my own pain
Helping me to feel again

Copyright2014 ND White

The Dark

So closed off
Protected by my own walls
Keeping out the dark
Protecting myself from the light
You tried to get in
I tried to keep you out
Your warmth started radiating through me
Yet all I could feel is the cold
Trying hard to protect myself
Wanting to keep you safe
You won’t let me stay in the dark
Please don’t leave me alone in the dark

Copyright2014 ND White

Ravens Innocence ~ Unedited Excerpt Chapter 5

I turn the engine off and take a deep breath. I am so worked up over this. I should have called my Aunt Hope and talked to her on my drive here. Besides Kat, Hope has been my rock since my mother passed away. She has become a friend, a confident, and a mother figure to me. She is one of the most level headed, honest, and realistic people that I know. And when I feel like life is spiraling out of control, she always knows what to say to slow me back down and bring me back to earth. I had been so caught up in the unfortunate turn of events these past few days that I haven’t even had time to call her and fill her in on anything. She doesn’t even know what happened with Grant’s brother and how Grant treated me. I wouldn’t have had enough time to fill her in any way I guess. Note to self, call Aunt Hope tomorrow after work and get her up to speed on my life.
I startle when my cell phone rings. I dig it out of my purse, it’s Grant. “Well, how long do you plan on sitting in my drive-way?” Grant asks before I even have time to say hello. I look to my left and I see his silhouette peeking at me out of the big picture window next to his front door.
“Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about something. I’m coming.” I respond as I slide out of my jeep and start up the walk-way to his front porch. I hit the end button on my phone and drop it back in my purse as I approach the house.
“About me, I hope.” Grant is standing in the entry way already holding the door open when I step up onto the porch. Our eyes lock and I stop walking, maybe even breathing, and just look at him. His beautiful lips are just slightly turned up in what I would call a devilish grin, and his turquoise eyes look as if they are staring right through me. He is wearing a dark gray t-shirt, jeans, and a pair of tennis shoes. He even makes casual look so damn sexy. Was he this sexy before he left town? I get that breathless feeling I did the first time I laid eyes on him.
“Whatever it is that you have on your mind has rendered you speechless I see.”
I let out a nervous laugh. “I was just thinking how gorgeous you are and how much I have missed you.” I step forward and get ready to wrap my arms around him for a much needed hug when he shoves his hands into his pockets and steps aside. I nearly fall in through the front door from being completely caught off guard by his rejection.
“Alrighty then. Come on in.” Grant says. He just stands there looking at me and his devilish grin has been replaced by a cold distant look I don’t recognize.
“Okay—” What the hell! I am shouting in my head. I don’t even know how to react to what he just did. I haven’t seen him for two weeks and this is the reaction that I get when I try to hug him! This is so not what I expected.
I stand there and hold his gaze until he finally uncomfortably shifts and clears his throat. “I don’t—” he pauses. “ I don’t know why I just did that.”
“Maybe I should go.” I turn around to leave and he grabs my arm.
“No. Stay. I’m sorry.” Grant starts to stumble on his words. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I didn’t mean to step away when you tried to hug me. You just—” He stops and I can see that he is searching for the right words to finish what he is saying.
“I just what, Grant?” The hurt is very apparent in my voice.
“You just caught me off guard, you know. I didn’t expect you…”
“To hug you?” I interrupt him and I am almost shouting when I do. “Really Grant? Since when am I not allowed to touch you! Especially when I haven’t seen you for two weeks. Especially after what happened with your brother! Especially since I thought I was your—” I can’t even finish the sentence. I am choking back the sobs now. I can’t believe I haven’t been here for five whole minutes and this is happening. What is this any way! What is happening here exactly!
Grant lets go of my arm and runs his hands through his hair. “You’re my what?” he asks.
I stare at him in disbelief that he just asked me that. Maybe I have completely misread the last few weeks we have spent together. No, we haven’t officially said that we are boyfriend and girlfriend, but we’re also not in high school either. Do people even really say that to each other at our age? Hey, will you be my girlfriend? How ridiculously cheesy does that sound?
“Apparently I’m not what I thought I was.” I say through gritted teeth. I turn once again and walk out the front door and head down the steps of the front porch. I am angry and I am hurt and I feel like a complete fool. I am also so confused by what just happened. I need to get out of here and away from him before I cry in front of this Jerk.
“Raven, stop. We need to talk about this.” Grant calls after me. I ignore him and keep walking towards my jeep. I hear him coming after me and I pick up my own pace. Just as I grab the door handle Grant grabs my arm, whips me around, and pins me to the jeep. “I said Stop, Raven.”
Grant is leaning into me with all of his weight so that I can’t move. His face is just inches from mine. His jaw is locked tight and his eyes are so dark that I can’t even see his pupils. I am completely stunned by his behavior and quite honestly, I’m just a little bit scared right now too; but I refuse to let him see that.
“Grant, you are squashing me. Please. Back. Off.” I try to push him back but he doesn’t budge. I can’t move him either. Just when I feel the anxiety starting to rise deep within me, I feel his body relax and he steps away from me, but only far enough back for me to breathe.
“Thank You.” I let out a heavy sigh. “What the hell was that all about? Have you lost your mind?” I am no longer feeling the need to sob. Now I am just pissed off.
“I’m quite sane right now if you really need to know. “
“I’m seriously doubting that right now.” I glare at him.
Grant looks at me with cold dark eyes and then I see the corners of his mouth turn up before he lets out a wickedly sexy laugh. There is nothing about this that I find funny right now, and I am fighting the urge to slap him senseless.
“I’m glad that you find this so funny because there is not one thing about any of this that is funny!” I snap at him. I’ve had enough of this shit and I’m done. I turn to open my door and he slams his hand down on it so hard I jump. Now, I’m really ready to let him have it. I whip around to tear into him and he grabs my face with both hands and brings his mouth down onto mine before I have time to even think about what he is doing. He forces his tongue into mouth and weaves his hands into my hair and kisses me like he needs this to breathe.
He stops for a second and looks into my eyes like he’s searching for confirmation from me to keep going or to stop, but my head is spinning with uncertainty right now and I don’t even know what I want. I’m just trying to breathe. He brings his mouth back onto mine a second time and presses into me until I fall back into the side of my jeep. He kisses me deep and hard. His tongue is tasting mine.
He continues to kiss me until he starts to taste the salt from tears that have sprung loose and are streaming down my cheeks. Damn it, I was not going to let him see me like this, but I am so overwhelmed by hurt, anger, and confusion, that crying is the only release that I have right now.
He pulls back. “Why are you crying Raven?” He sounds so profound when he asks me this. He reaches his hand up and caresses my cheek as if he is wiping away my tears. I close my eyes and continue to let my tears fall…… Copyright 2014 ND White

Ravens Innocence ~ Unedited Excerpt Chapter 2

“You look stunning, as always.” I smile. “I’m almost ready to go, I just need to grab a couple of things and shove them in my new clutch that you bought me for my birthday, which I love by the way.” I really do love it. It’s red and black and screams sassy. Kat has great taste. She can look at clothing and accessories and throw them together to create a masterpiece. I on the other hand, am lucky if my socks match. I am very simple and lacking in the fashion department. I rarely go shopping without Kat by my side.
I grab a few things from my purse and locate my cute little fold up flats, whoever invented these were genius. Hmmm, I feel like I am missing something. I stand in the middle of the hotel room looking around. “Have you seen my phone?” I call out to Kat.
“It’s probably still in your bag.”
I dig my phone out of my bag and realize that it’s also shut off. Kat must have shut it off after she took it from me. Great, I hope I didn’t miss anything important, like Grant calling me. I haven’t talked to him since last night before Kat and I hit the strip to go shopping and Grant was heading out to have a few drinks with his brother. At least I don’t have to worry about it not being charged. I turn it on and impatiently wait for it to power itself up.
“Shit!” Five missed calls, two voicemails, and 3 text messages, all from Grant. “Kaaat! No thanks to you I missed all the calls and messages from Grant! It looks like he has been trying to get a hold of me all afternoon!” Unfreaking believable!
“That’s what voicemail is for. Chill!” she snaps back at me. I love her to death but right now I want to slap the snarky right out of her. I look at the text messages first. “I’m trying call you, please call me as soon as you get this”. “Have you got any of my messages”. “Raven, where the fuck are you!” Okay, that last text message was a little uncalled for. Grant could have omitted the F word. I get it, he needs to talk to me, jeesh! So unlike him, I don’t think I’ve heard him swear once yet. I decide to skip the voicemails and just call him. I’m glaring at Kat while I wait for Grant to pick up on his end.
“Grant Alexander”, Grant snaps when he finally answers the phone. Why is he answering his phone like that? He should know it’s me. “Grant, it’s Raven” I say softly.
“It’s about damn time you called me back. I have been trying to reach you all damn day! You have a mobile phone. Why didn’t you have it on you! Hence the world MOBILE.”
Wow, I can’t believe he is actually yelling at me right now. I am still glaring at Kat through clouded vision, this is all her fault that he is this angry. I can’t believe she took my phone and shut it off. Kat is looking at me with sincere confusion. I have to turn around because I don’t want her to see the tears start to stream down my cheeks. I have yet to see Grant angry and I have never heard him talk like this, ever. Now I’m on the receiving end of an asshole attack and I am a few seconds short of jumping off this ride.
“Well, hello to you too.” I hope he doesn’t detect the quivering in my voice. “Look, I don’t know what has suddenly crawled up your ass and died, but I don’t deserve you barking at me like that! So until you can stop throwing your mantrum and talk to me like an adult with the respect I deserve, this conversation is over.” I barely spit those words out through gritted teeth before the flood gates opened. Damn it, there goes my makeup. I go to hit the End button on my phone and I hear Grant call out “Raven wait! Please don’t hang up.” …………

Copyright 2014 ND White

How it all started

I always wanted to write a book, I just never was serious about it, until now. I read all the time, as much as I can. When I joined Twitter, I started following the different authors that I was reading. I admit, they became my inspiration. I started researching more about becoming and Indie Author, and I reached out to a couple of them personally on Twitter and Facebook. Sydney Jamesson & AJ Linn are two authors that have been a great inspiration and help to me. Always kinda and willing to give sound advice. (Read their books by the way, you won’t be disappointed!)

I had an idea for a story and presented it to my aunt. Then on September 28th, 2013 I started writing. The more I wrote, the more into the story I got. I knew this was not something I was just doing for fun, it was something I was becoming passionate about, I was falling in love with ~ Writing. And I knew this was a story I had to tell…..

I have to give my aunt a lot of credit because she has been my muse. I have spent many evenings on my commute home from work from the city brainstorming and hashing out ideas for the book. She takes notes and emails them to me while I’m driving.

I’ve had writers block a few times and just had to step away while I sorted things out. This has caused me to get a little behind in the writing process, but I have also been reminded by a couple of authors, and my aunt, “Don’t worry about the time it takes, just write.” So that is what I have been doing.

This first book, Ravens Innocence, I am really hoping for a spring launch, but we shall see. In the meantime, I will update my progress and gives you some sneak peaks. Also, for many of you who know me and are wondering why I am publishing under ND White. Well, my mother was a writer, whom I miss dearly, and in a way, publishing under her last name of ‘White’, is my own personal tribute to her.

Where to even begin ~

Well, here I am and I have no idea what I am doing.  I was advised to start blogging or design my own website to help promote my upcoming book, Ravens Innocence, in which I hope to release this spring.  I only have a few more chapters left to write.  This is something I have always wanted to do, but never thought I really could.  I read all the time.  I love it.  I had so many ideas floating around in my head.  And at times, I take to paper and write down emotions, thoughts, feelings…that turn into some kind of poetry.  Behind my words are always deep feelings or little pieces of truth that tell a story about me…..