What is this?
I don’t understand
The pain in my heart
It grows with each passing day
The silence screams louder
Threatening to break me wide open
Ignoring it won’t make it go away
Embracing it won’t fix it
My head is spinning
My heart is breaking
My soul is wavering
My senses are heightened
There is no way out
Take my hand
Show me the way
Love me
Support me
Comfort me
Embrace me
None too much to ask
Yet impossible for you
So I fight this battle alone
Knowing one day I’ll stop
I’ve already put down my weapons
Shoulders hung in defeat
Waiting for the earth to shatter
And just take me with it.

Copyright ©2016 –ND White

Thirteen years ago today
I had no idea it would be too late
To tell you that I loved you once more
Or to see you walk through my open door.

To call you up and say hello
Oh Mom why did you have to go
I’ll never forget when I got the call
I’ll never forget how it felt to fall.

My heart broke in half and was ripped in two
The night I had to say goodbye to you
Watching you lay there, so peaceful as if asleep
I grabbed hold of my chest and fell to my knees.

My final goodbye
I wasn’t prepared
As I cried by your bedside
None of this was fair.

Please don’t take my mom
Please bring her back
Please God I can’t take it
The ground beneath me  cracked.

Since you’ve been gone
It’s never been the same
Since you’ve been gone
I still feel the pain.

I love you so much
There’s still so much I want to say
Thirteen years isn’t enough time
It still feels like just yesterday.

Copyright ©2016 –ND White

Crumbling on the inside
Barely breathing
The pain ripping me apart
Every fiber of my being screaming
Heartache never wavers
My soul cries in silence
Tears fighting to escape
A wall built of fear
Never showing vulnerability
Shutting out the world
Safeguarding my soul
The secrets hidden within
Penetrating my thoughts
Poisoning my blood
Fighting for release
But confined tightly by these walls
Restrained and protected
Forever sheltered by the darkness
Holding me Captive…

Copyright ©2016 –ND White

(For a dear friend, you know who you are…please don’t lose yourself…)

Free to be himself but wanting to be accepted
Yearning for a man’s touch
He has tasted that fruit
For that is who he truly is

Afraid of societal norms
Pretending to be someone he’s not
Only not to hurt the one that he loves
For she has loved him and accepted him
They call each other their own

But when he is taken by slumber
And his soul finally rests
His heart turns to another
And his soul reaches out
But not for her

Copyright ©2016 –ND White

She smiles
He chuckles
A beautiful sight
A humbling sound
Neither to be seen or heard
Only to be felt, through the words on the pages

Secrets shared
A connection unbroken
Tied by depth and uncertainty
Things he won’t say out loud
But to her he bears all
Whispering to her soul
She has become his angel in the dark

Her wings have opened
For few she lets in
His soul speaks to her
She answers
Unjudged
Raw Honesty
Opening up completely
Unable to pull away

A bond between two souls
Separated by distance
Brought together by raging winds
Imperfections of both
Beautifully entwined
Destined to clash together ~

Copyright ©2016 –ND White

Come out and play.
Not now, maybe not ever.
Not ever? But you have already, so many times.
I can’t, I shouldn’t.
But you can, and you should.
But why?
Because you need to.
Who says?
You do. You say it all the time.
You’re wrong.
Am I?
Yes
No my dear, you’re just in denial.
No….
Yes.
Explain, please.
It consumes you. Every thought you have while awake, then it haunts your dreams.
Go on…
Without it you’ll break. But it will break you.
No it won’t. It promised.
But it already has.
No! Stop it. You’re wrong…
I’m not wrong. Your soul is shattered. Piece by broken piece, you bleed as its words slice through you. An illusion full of venomous lies that keeps you trapped by a beautiful tragedy…
That is becoming you.

Copyright ©2016 –ND White

Hand in hand, we walk to the water’s edge
Silence between us, full of unspoken words
Our thoughts echoing in the wind
Raindrops threatening to fall
You grip my hand tighter
Tears fill my eyes while gazing into the storm clouds above
Water washes over our feet
I don’t remember getting this close
Turning my head slowly to look at you
Your stare fixated on the waters swell
A single tear escapes down my cheek
Trying to find the words, but my lips cannot speak
My breath catches, the frigid water snaking around my core
How did we get here?
Hands now immersed, my fingers start to slip
The ache in my chest intensifies
Drowning in my emotions
Struggling not to be swept away
Do I break free to spare you?
Icy raindrops begin to sting my skin
Whilst you stand there, untouched, emotionless
Anguish sweeps through me
Struggling to stay grounded
Afraid to let go
Pulling from your grip
I take my last breath
Immersing myself in the dark waters
Allowing its crushing weight to swallow me
To consume me
To set me free ~

Copyright ©2016 –ND White

Watching the autumn leaves fall,
the sun glistens on the edges,
close to dusk,
nightfall is near.
A tear escapes down her cheek
as she stares into the fading sun.
Hugging her body tightly,
her arms absorb the shivering
that threatens to unravel her.
As she inhales deeply
the frigid air burns her
from the inside out.
She welcomes the bite,
the icy sting in her veins
is what makes her feel more alive.
A feeling she hasn’t felt since it happened.
That moment when everything changed.
She closes her eyes
as more tears threaten to make their escape.
The cold wind picks up
as the sun goes to sleep.
A single leaf catches her cheek
before blowing past her.
She tries to reach for it,
wishing the wind would
just carry her away too…

Copyright ©2015 –ND White

She dances on her toes
Eyes closed
Oblivious to the possibilities within her reach
Shards of glass broken beneath her
Each step leaving behind
Traces of her bleeding soul
She falters and starts to slip
A faint cry escapes her blood-red lips
She wants nothing more
Than for someone to catch her
A trusted soul
Not withered or broken
Alone in this world
She is trapped in the darkness surrounding her
Screaming for an escape
To a place that does not exist
Crashing down
Her body falls
Shattered dreams paint the walls
Tears escape
From her empty eyes
As she tries to pull herself up again
Broken and bleeding
She is forced to see
Gasping at her shattered reflection…
Who is this girl, staring back at me?

Copyright ©2015 –ND White