“What are you thinking Raven?”

I slightly startle at Grant’s prodding question. I’m thinking lots of things. How much time do we have? “Where do we go from here?” That thought actually just popped into my mind; wasn’t thinking that until right now.

“I don’t know,” is all he says.

I give him a little bit to see if he is going to say anything else after that but he doesn’t. I slowly pull myself out of his embrace and turn onto my side facing him. Maybe looking at him will prompt him to elaborate. He gives me a blank look. I can tell that he really doesn’t know. I don’t even know my own self.

“I can’t stay here,” he finally says.

My heart fills with disappointment, although I should have seen that one coming. “Why?” Why am I even asking him why?

“I just can’t.”

I am overcome with hurt. Why is he shutting me out like this? Why can’t he just tell me? I feel my eyes start to sting with tears.

Grant reaches over and delicately wipes away a tear with the pad of his thumb. “Oh Sweetheart, please don’t cry.”

Sweetheart. Hearing him say that makes me swoon and cry even harder, both at the same time. “I don’t understand why you can’t tell me. Now that I think of it, I don’t even know where you’re going off to when you do leave. You come back because you can’t stay away from me and you love me, but you want to leave again?” My crying turns into a full blown sob.

Grant scoots close to me and pulls me down onto his chest, wrapping his arms around me. “No, it’s not like that. I don’t want to leave again.”

“Then don’t. I don’t understand any of this. Why can’t you just tell me? Why all the secrets?” I am trying so hard to stop crying. I can’t believe how emotional I am right now. “And what about what just happened? Does that mean anything to you? Did you mean what you said? Do you really love me?”

Copyright ©2015 –ND White